Letter to AJ

Hey buddy, I see you're heading down the same path you tend to before. What? No I don't care how different this one seems. Yes you probably are right, this one is very different, but that's not the point. You gotta keep your eye on the prize my friend. You have a very specific dream that wakes you in the morning and gives you joy throughout your day--one that has you here in this part of the country and one that you back up by talent.

My point is keep your damn eye on the prize. You've got a lot to accomplish in that secretive black binder of yours. You're getting progress, down the road, and up the alley. However progress can be easily stopped. You are smart enough to find the balance to keep your personal life going and still get this work done. It's what you were born to do--have both. Use current situations as material for work, use emotions as your muse like you always have and stop getting distracted.

Everything else your heart desire and longs for will come to you, when you start living your life and seizing it, and not necessarily just letting it slowly pass through your vision.

Eye on the prize AJ, trust me I know this is good for you.

No pienses tanto en ella, o en las cosas que to molestan. Apoco no lo conoces bien y todo esta bien porque es tu amiga.

Take it all in your hands, it's already in your fingertips.

Sincerely,
Your Dreams

I found this yesterday, dated only as 2005

Goodbye to what i know.
Down is the way to go.
Swideswipe your confidence,
and hide the pounding within my chest.
You know everything that i'd do,
Just once I'm gonna surprise you.

It's not my fault
I cant help how i feel
but im gonna fight it kicking and screaming.
You're my downfall
You're burned into my heart
but the pain is something I've been needing.

It's not my fault
I cant help how i feel
but im gonna fight it kicking and screaming.
You're my downfall
You're burned into my heart
but the pain is something I've been needing.

My thoughts are on a thread.
Whether to take the step ahead.
Dont read into my gleaming eye,
for there lies a fervent lie.
That the heart may bleed for you
but telling you is not what I'd do...

Just Say When

(something I'm working on for the record)


I carry you with me like a ghost
The one I had loved the most.
They say it's like that with the first
I tell you it's a curse
You know you should be mine again
When you feel it just say when.

Over years we both moved on
One might say we both evolve.
But like the morning dawn
everything's revolved.
You know in time it'll be again
when you feel it just say when.

I'm the one whos been by your side
while afar and through thick and thin.
Let me be there in the night,
tell me I can win.

I love what was and might have been
when you do just say when.

Love In the Mirror

(Written some time ago, not that long.)


Flight bound on my way
to the land apart.
Where no memories of you
poison my awoken heart.
Here I know of no 12 bar shame,
the boy was the same
as the day the sky called him out.

Fight around my brain,
heart and fervent memory
over whether my ends are mine
or fates cruel chemistry.
So many ways of my touch
when my gifts were not enough
now only reach for what isn't there.

I didn't need a new way
I didn't need more to say
I didn't mean to hold on
till the feeling was gone
I just needed the love in the mirror.

There wasn't a melody in my head
that could save me.

almost 25 years of human experience...

At Best

At best I am a man who puts words into sentences
hoping they mean something to somebody else.
At worst I am a man who says nothing at all.
Wandering, and wondering this world of thoughtlessness
with not a trace of a lack of thoughts.
If I had a smile for every thought I couldnt finish
I'd be back in the presence of your face.

In the very least I am a man who cares
in the very most I am not wanting to care at all.
Hoping and searching
for the abstracts I couldn't describe if you asked
could never serve as a mask
for the true honesty in my fingers.
Or the vulnerability in your touch.

In the last moments I am lingering on thoughts of a ghost
of days I inked years ago.
In the first moments I am the light in your heart.
Yearning and learning
for the days I let go for you
and the auburn purity in your gaze.

At the very best
I feel everything.

A true update

So life as of September 27, 2009.

Moving On
So Sarah and I didn't work out, and that's okay. It was a very amazing human experience, and with all relationships that dont work out; I'm healing, moving on, and tipping my hat to you Sarah. As well all seek happiness I wish you it 100%

I am seeing a girl named Sara. You can laugh all you want, it's purely a coincidence :) She's pretty fantastic, and things are great--and honestly that's all you need to know at this point! That, and this blog is really not about the above two topics.

I have decided to place my goal, resolve, and will into making a record. I am looking around at different studios and see a few that seem cool, and I obviously have to save up what I am thinking (for my amateur purposes) about 3k. 2 ish for the time and mixing etc (mastering) and I'm rounding up another because I am probably undershooting that estimate. I want to go in there with every track ready, down the very vision and exactly what parts I want on each. Paying that much for it makes me want to be fully prepared. I will get a few friends on the pedigree instruments I don't feel comfortable enough playing (I.E drums and bass) and am really thinking of a few ideas to get a couple other things on there like organ, harmonica, maybe some slide playing that I am not that adepth at either.

I'm going for a bluesy, r&b like record with a lot of my old self musically (my old self being the acoustic pretty music I was known for when I was younger) and trying to fit that all into a 12 track record. I've got 2 tracks really all down to a science, as I wrote them ages ago and they are ready and well realized.

This is a long process that will take a lot out of me but it is something I have been needing to do and as far as my goal and what I've been wanting to try and do in Nashville--it makes the most sense. It'll give me something concrete to have, to push, to show, to be able to say "I did" in 10 years if nothing comes of my talent.

This year I won't be at home in CA for christmas or my birthday, so I imagine I'll have a lot of time not wanting to think about that--to focus on work and making this record. Here's hoping.

Also...here's to surviving 2009. Here's to taking all the curveballs that have been aimed at my head and turning them into base hits. I don't give up on things easily, almost to a flaw, but of all the things I want out of life my own happiness is what it most important at my age and current juncture. Here's to you, life.

My brain and heart are fried

I need to start fresh with a lot of my thoughts. I am re-winding this blog from when I started my new job ish.